In order to place another above us, we have to consider ourselves as beneath them. While you may respect them or think them worthy of such esteem, in actual fact you are setting yourself up for failure. We hold people on pedestals to a higher standard than we hold for ourselves or others. We see them as “better than” and while this may be true; it is only true in certain areas of their lives and specific arenas that they operate in. In other areas of their lives they have their shortcomings and when you have someone on a pedestal your tendency is to focus only on your own. You cannot effectively work with others when you hold yourself back. Instead you are relating to them through a lens of beliefs and perceptions that may be colored and distance from the truth.
There are those among us who shine, there is no question of that and their wins should be celebrated. But, rather than being blinded into elevating them, instead hold them as models of what we are individually and collectively capable of becoming and allow yourself to shine!
Why set boundaries? How do they help us? What is their purpose?
I believe boundaries are our way of communicating to others that we have self-respect, self-worth, that we are defined by our own standards, not what others perceive us to be. Boundaries allow us to separate who we are as well as what we think and feel, from the thoughts and feelings of others. Boundaries assist us in expressing ourselves as unique individuals, while honouring the uniqueness of others.
Boundaries act as filters that allow us to state what is acceptable and what is not in our lives. Boundaries set clear limits so others know what to expect and how to respect us. If you are not sure what those limits are, it is time to find out, because without boundaries we tend to derive our sense of worth from others.
Boundaries are about putting our needs first and allowing others to put their needs first so that each family member/friend cares for their own needs in a nurturing way. It is okay to say No. It’s okay to express our love for ourselves by setting boundaries that honour the truth of who we are. It is actually necessary to say No at times in order to set healthy boundaries and mirror them to others.
Be your true authentic self and honour your feelings and your way of being, while honouring the thoughts and feelings of others. The healthier your boundaries are, the more respect you will draw into your life, both for yourself, and from those around you.
What is perception? According to the dictionary, “it is a way of regarding, understanding, or interpreting something; a mental impression.” We each perceive every moment of our lives through our lens of understanding according to our life experiences, memories, beliefs and personality. Each experience “colours” our world, bringing in different strokes that paint a unique picture. What one person perceives as an insult another may find funny or endearing. These differences in perception can cause great communication breakdowns, hurt feelings, relationship challenges and even breakups.
Over the years I have observed the different reactions people have had over the statement, “you look tired today.” It seems pretty straight forward and easy to interpret? No, not so much. I have seen individuals say, “yes I am really tired today, thanks for noticing, it was a rough night” and I have seen individuals feeling slighted and/or insulted, to visibly being upset thinking the other person is putting them down or judging their looks. To flat out saying, “no I’m not,” indignantly as if looking tired is a sign of weakness or failure. I have actually witness an ending of a friendship over this statement… Interesting yes, but what does this say about human perception?
I believe each interaction with another human is an opportunity to grow, and to really listen and observe not just the other person but ourselves. Ask yourself, why does a comment or a conversation cause a reaction within me positively or negatively? A positive reaction can have just as big an impact as a negative one. What is motivating you to react at all? Are you looking for validation, acceptance, inclusion, approval? How much weight do you give an others perception of you? How much weight do you give your perception of yourself or others? If you come from a place of judgement, dishonesty, and distrust isn’t that what you will perceive in others? If you give pause and come from a place of kindness, compassion and love, it is likely, that is what you will perceive. The choice is yours. What is your perception?